YOKED

It is my personal opinion that marriage is the hardest thing a person can do in life.  Harder than parenting as kids eventually grow up and the relationship changes (they leave the nest).  You see, you take two people with God’s gift of free will and yoke them together and by God’s grace there are moments of harmony.  Similar to an old fashioned three-legged race, the participants frequently fight against the yoke that binds them together but occasionally experience the rhythm necessary to move forward.

Even biblical tales of marriage include challenge: 

• Adam & Eve (Genesis 3:12 - “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit…”)  
• Abraham & Sarah (Genesis 12:11-13 - “I know what a beautiful woman you are. When the Egyptians see you, they will say, ‘This is his wife.’ Then they will kill me but will let you live. Say you are my sister, so that I will be treated well…”)
• Then Abraham’s son Isaac & Rebekah (Genesis 26:6,7 - “So Isaac stayed in Gerar. When the men of that place asked him about his wife, he said, “She is my sister,” because he was afraid to say, “She is my wife.” He thought, “The men of this place might kill me on account of Rebekah, because she is beautiful.”)

OK, just to be fair I am sure that wives have done some less-than-stellar things too, they just weren’t written about as much in the Bible.

I believe that the problem begins before the wedding dress is purchased or the hall reserved.  First, couples tend to RUSH IN.  There are a few factors to this… we believe Mr./Miss. Right is a limited time offer, we DO buy the book by its cover, we figure that we can ‘work out the details later’, or in the far back recesses of our brains we figure that we can always get out later if it turns out to be a train wreck.    This is one of the reasons the divorce rate in almost equal between Christians and those who claim no religious affiliation.  It is the human nature.  God says "Be still and know that I am God" in Psalm 46 because He knows that waiting and trusting are not in our nature. We tend to trust ourselves first just hoping that it will work out.  When we consider something as serious as the life-time commitment of marriage before God, stand back, observe and wait is not our usual route.

Feel free to toss in your comments and check back with my next post as I continue the discussion about this.

Take care- 

SETBACK

We all have them. Seldom do we speak of them. When we do speak of them it makes others uncomfortable right along with us. Today a group of us moved a friend’s belongings into storage.  He experienced a setback.  This one cost him his freedom. 

How many times is that what happens to us?  Sometimes not literally our freedom, but we mess up and it costs us BIG TIME.  Is this not the reason that Christ came to walk with man on earth?  Hebrews 4:15 states “This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet He did not sin.”  We relate to Jesus better when we realize that He came as man.  He had the experiences we had growing up (except the video games and action figures due to cultural differences).  He wore a diaper, learned to crawl, skinned his knees and went through puberty.  HE ‘took on flesh’ and ALL that entails.

Yet He did not sin.  That does not say that He was not tempted.  He chose differently.  His focus was SO on God that He didn’t turn from God’s BEST for Him.  We battle.  We justify. We wrestle.  Sometimes we walk away VICTORIOUS, without sin.  Sometimes we don’t.  EVERY DAY our Spirit (which is perfect and made whole through the indwelling Holy Spirit) and our souls (our thoughts and emotions) battle.  Sometimes we realize this, sometimes we act surprised by this.  

But provision has been made: “So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.” (Hebrews 4:16).  God, who is never surprised by our set-backs and failures has made provision for them AND for us to have the power to pick ourselves up and get back on track.  Even more so, to help us to not mess up in the first place.

Run to Him regularly.  He LOVES to reveal Himself to you.  He even wrote a book about it.

Take care-

RELATIONAL

One of the KFA values in that we are RELATIONAL.  Few need to have that word defined as we are all wired for this.  Some more, some less… but inside each of us there is a place reserved for the ‘warm fuzzies’ of community.

Today in our staff devotional time, rather than spend time teaching our team about how to be relational I asked them about what they saw the characteristics of the value to be.  They spoke of meeting emotional needs as well as felt needs, listening, sharing, give and take as well as having a sense of being involved in something bigger than one’s self.  After hearing this I asked them to think BIGGER and we looked at ways that KFA can be relational with our community.  Many of the answers we in support of events that we already do as outreach as well as some good ideas for future planning. 

After speaking of the changes in culture that prevent those who are far from a relationship with Jesus from coming INSIDE the walls of a church we spoke about ways that we can take the church to the city.  I love the hearts of those whom I serve with.  They are leaders and visionaries.

I read from Dan Kimball’s “They Like Jesus But Not the Church” with regard to how emergent generations see the church/organized religion as too legalistic and uncaring.  I presented them with the new drawing of an unbeliever’s journey to God and spoke about the fact that while Jesus’ finished work of the Cross bridges the chasm of sin and gets people to heaven, that WE are the assigned bridge builders that get people to the work of the cross… or even a realization that they NEED the work of the cross.

Our neighbors watch us.  They know how we spend our time and money.  They know what we love.  Let’s be intentional about building bridges toward a journey with Christ for them.

Take care-

SURVIVAL

I had the responsibility to be the bearer of bad news… again.  This time it was with our Freedom Seekers group as I announced that one of our own has fallen back in to old behavior and lost his life in the battle between life-controlling sin and life.  

The news was quite shocking to Jim and I when we received it last week.  The meeting prior to his passing we had spent our time in a practical conversation about how to ‘make it’ through the holidays.  Many times people who are newly in recovery are unprepared to face the stress of holiday gatherings with the social pressures that come with them.  As a result, we have annually committed the meeting the week of Thanksgiving to preparation for the potential challenges and pitfalls that our group faces.

Financial stress, the pressures social drinking and drug use and the dynamics of the family all add to the stress for this crowd.  Many times they are facing the decision to walk away from temptation of old behaviors for the first time while at the same time they long to reconnect with their families in order to show their ‘changed self.’  Sometimes the pressures are too great.  

So, in our teaching to equip them with tools to make it through we include the following practical survival techniques:

• Have phone numbers: many times they just need to talk about the pressure
• Make an exit plan: know when you are going to leave before you go
• Have your own transportation: this way they are free to leave when ready
• Watch the crowd: if the party becomes uncomfortable, leave
• Don’t plan to resolve a life’s worth of ‘family stuff’ over turkey: this NEVER works
• Discuss your plan with your partner BEFORE you go: saves on having to argue your case in the middle of things
• Don’t let anyone, no matter how well-meaning talk you out of your plan

We also have our group share what they are most looking forward to.  For most it is that they are going to experience their family while being sober for the first time in years.  There is a healthy sense of pride and accomplishment that goes with that.  That is what our friend was planning to do.  We are grateful that happened before he met Jesus face to face.

INVISIBLE

I grew up like a lot of kids.  Maybe not like you, but many kids like me made every effort to be invisible.  We went to great lengths to not ‘make waves.’  To be ‘seen and not heard’ was even a big risk to us.  For me, home was a dangerous place.  I believe my parents did their best, but it was not very high on the charts.

The best news is that I lived.  I used various coping mechanisms the escape and numb the pain for many years.  I believe they reserved my sanity. More than that, I believe that God pulled me through because His plan was not for me to be invisible.  Instead, in the midst of my abuse He clearly called me, as I remember it, to ‘be a leader in the church.’  Twenty-three years ago He saved me from my most self-destructive habits as well as my sin.

With the help of others I began to recover and serve as a way to give back and spread the Good News.  That service has placed me in some of the finest institutions: jails, prisons, half-way houses, mental institutions, detox units in hospitals and, of course churches.  In these places I have tried to serve while remaining invisible.  It has been fairly easy to do, but now God has changed that practice for me.

In Matthew 5:15,16 it says “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”  

Recently I am made aware that I am safe enough not to have to be invisible.  Instead I need to step out and take a few more risks.  This is challenging, but my obedience pleases my Father in Heaven.  So, in big ways and small ways I will begin to practice this.  And yes, beginning to blog again has been part of that.  Thanks for joining me on another great adventure sponsored by God.

GENEROSITY

This past Wednesday afternoon I received a message from a KFAer who works at a local foster care agency.  She express that they were in need of gifts for some of the children under their care.  My initial response (in my head) was that I was not sure that, based on her timeframe that we could find small groups to cover the need… BUT, I wanted to do all I could to say “YES” before I had to say “no”.  So, I emailed all of our small group leaders to test that waters of willingness. Our leaders are so AWESOME that by the time I left my desk that night I had almost enough inquiries to fill the need!

Today many of us met in the KFA North Commons for a Potato Bar lunch to benefit “Speed the Light”, an Assemblies ministry for youth to support missionaries.  It was a loaded potato for a donation.  Not only was it great to see KFAers turn out to support this event, but also to see the fellowship go on long after the last chili and cheese had been ladled out.  

We are blessed with some of the most generous, caring givers in our fellowship.  I believe it makes God smile when people use their gifts to bless others. 

SMARTER

Last night at Freedom Seekers we did something that I love to do.  Since I was running group I decided it would be Q&A night, which I quietly call “Stump the Pastor.”  This format gives the group a chance to ask questions about God, recovery, relationships, etc. and receive answers/feedback from the Freedom Seekers leadership team.

By the end of the night some of the questions we had answered included questions about prayer (Do I pray to God or Jesus or does it matter?), sleep (I keep waking up at the same time every night… does this mean anything?), recovery (How long will I do these 12 steps before I see change in my life?), suicide (Do people who commit suicide go straight to hell?) and relationships (How do I re-connect with my spouse?).

The feedback was good.  Our people, who have know the pleasures of the world and the heartbreak of living far from God, had the opportunity to study about the veil in the Temple being torn from top to bottom at the moment of Christ’s death and what that symbolizes. They also studied the three types of baptisms in the bible (John’s, Jesus’ and the Holy Spirit’s) while at the same time hearing practical, relevant answers to their ‘real life’ questions.  It was a great night.  I think we all left feeling just a little bit smarter.

REST IN PEACE

Today Jim and I stood in line to file past the casket of a friend’s father. Most of the people in the crowded room were strangers to me although there were KFAers in the mix. When we reached the family I was blessed by the warm reception of the sisters of the deceased man. Each of them wept in my arms and mentioned the great comfort and connection that they felt with me after the hours that we had recently spent together in the hospital. I, too, acknowledged my connection with them.  We had been together in one of the most intimate moments a person could share.  

I can’t help but think of what a blessing it is to be with people as their worlds are changing and their hearts are breaking. It is certainly not for everyone.  Sometimes it goes against every comfortable fiber of my being to walk into these situations, yet it is such a privilege to listen and pray and drop a pearl of wisdom into the depth of their brokenness and pain.  It is a ‘called’ place.  It is a task that only the Comforter can walk me through.  I can only submit and bravely move in with steps guided by a gracious God.

At times like this I reflect on PEACE.  Jesus said “I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid,” John 14:27.  This peace is available to us all, regardless of the situations or circumstances of our lives and in it we find REST.

Take care-

SERVICE

One of the lessons I learned early in my journey with Christ was that gratitude is an action word.  The often repeated phrase began “My gratitude SPEAKS when I care and when I share with others…”  The biblical counterpart to that is when Christ said that leaders are to be servants as He washed the feet of the twelve… even the one He KNEW would betray Him. and then said, “Now that you know these things, God will bless you for doing them.” (John 13:17)

Most people, regardless of where they are in their journey with Christ (including those who don’t yet know Him) want to do good deeds.  We see this when people who say they are opposed to ‘organized religion’ will roll up their sleeves on a church project if the benefit is for the community.  Regardless if the motive is to glorify God, the outcome still does.  

But today is “BLACK FRIDAY” so America has now flipped the focus from what we HAVE to what we WANT NEXT.  So to all those who stayed up or camped out all night in freezing temperatures, I want to personally thank you for doing your part to stimulate the economy.  Please try to glorify God in the long lines of harried shoppers.

Take care-

PERSPECTIVE

Yesterday was a life-changing day. As I was packing up my laptop and heading to pick up the last of my holiday meal fixin’s my text notification rang on my phone. “It is a matter of time now” was what I heard from my dear friend who, along with her extended family have been sitting bedside while her stepfather was succumbing to his cancer battle. While the family knew of the diagnosis and what the end result would be, it is always “too soon” to say goodbye.

On the way home the next call my husband, Jim. He had been laid off from his job of 7 years. This was not breaking news as the company had been facing financial issues and had already laid off (‘furlough’ is the new buzz word for this) the majority of the staff.

Now that I am less numb, I guess that I am facing the reality that everything here is temporary. This is not new information, just something that I occasionally “choose not to look at” from my comfortable spot. Yet the Word that is hidden in my heart says: “So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.” (2 Corinthians 4:18 - NLT) It sounds like an instruction to be very intentional about our focus. Now I read for the context of the verse and this is what precedes it: “For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! “

OK, so if I believe God’s Word is true and without error, the question remains, “What am I going to do with this.” I’ll keep you posted.

Take care-